Family violence is common in New Zealand. Family violence can take many forms - it can be physical, sexual, psychological, financial, spiritual or emotional. If you feel afraid of your partner, controlled or always put down, this is family violence.

Not sure if this is abuse? Read about danger signs of an abusive relationship.

It is a good idea to seek professional help. This will help you deal with what you've experienced:

• ACC provides funding for counselling to eligible people who have experienced sexual abuse or assault.
• Victim Support can give you help and advice on what to do and where to go for the counselling you might need. Call them on 0800 842 846.

Don't blame yourself. It is never OK to abuse another person. The responsibility lies with the person who abused you.

Surround yourself with friends and family. They are important for support and helping you adjust to your new life.

You may wish to apply for a protection order. This is particularly the case if you want or need to keep your former partner away from you. It's free.

• Ask about violence directly
• Acknowledge their feelings
• Check that they are currently safe
• Direct them to free support services
• Offer to check in with them regularly

For more advice, visit the Shine website.

Admitting that there is a problem and changing your behaviour takes courage.

For help to make these steps, contact:

• The Family Violence information line on 0800 456 450
• Man Alive

If kids know it's wrong, you should too. Check out the responses from these young men when asked to slap a girl.